Why we hide who we are.

I have been involved in a three way conversation recently that has really made me sit and think about some aspect of what we do in the BDSM community. One aspect in particular is adopting a "stage" name or an alternate identity to go by.

What is really strange however is how most of us see out "alternate identity" as more of who we are than out "vanilla" identity, but why?

I personally feel it's because we involve ourselves in a group society looks at as "sexual predators" and this is because of a severe lack of education.

I lay the majority of the blame on the community. For a sub-culture that prides it's self on passing knowledge and educating people on safety and propriety we have not done a lot to extend this knowledge to our vanilla counter parts....


I take my equal share of this blame, I started this blog for just that very reason and I have failed to properly move toward my own goals.

That being said I would like to start with a few basics about what we do.

If you are vanilla the first thing you must under stand about the Lifestyle as we call it is the D/s dynamic, in some way shape or form every relationship in our Lifestyle will have a D/s dynamic. What this mean is there will be a Dominant and a submissive, we also call this a power exchange.

The submissive one in the relationship can be a pet, a sub, a bottom, a slave, a domestic, a little and/or a servant.

In each of these roles the primary objective is to please the Dominant, this does not necessarily mean in a sexual way, more often than not it isn't in a sexual way. Just like a vanilla relationship everyone is unique based upon those who are in it.

The interactions between  Doms and subs both privately and publicly are dictated by a set of standards that we refer to as protocols, ultimately these are rules of decent behavior and respect.

We believe in courtesies that, in my personal opinion, are disappearing from normal society. You will not see people today of varying ages refer to each other as Sir of  Ma'am, open doors for each other or even you phrases such as please and thank you.

Why do we observe customs such as this, because we have to, in order for our continued existence we must, happily so, keep our conduct above reproach in all aspects of our life.

I will be posting in more detail tomorrow the aspects of being a sub.