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Thursday, January 6, 2011

The sub-sub dynamic, letters from a sub-sub relationship. Pt. 2

The second letter, from the other person in the relationship:

"Before getting back with her, I spent a little over a year with a Mistress. Even though we started out with some rules, as the relationship was progressing, she disregarded any laid boundaries/rules/punishments. I requested certain forms of play many times, but the Mistress would not consider my request. Play sessions soon became infrequent and less kinky. The D/s dynamic became lax and very vanilla. All in all, I was not satisfied with the relationship and it caused me to base what I knew about the D/s dynamic of BDSM on it.

My current fiance/now Mistress knew about my previous relationship before we got back together, and although I did my best not to request for her to take control of me, I eventually mentioned my small need...

I didn't want to put pressure on her to dominate me. We touched on it to the point of only in the bedroom, but it was still a struggle. We both came to the conclusion that I was more of a top in the bedroom and it happened to work very well for the time being. But that didn't stop some of my cravings. I did my best to serve her without her realizing what I was doing. She just thought I was being stubborn by not letting her take care of me. I couldn't help it. I have this strong willingness to please the one I care about the most. Months passed and neither of us were satisfied with the dynamics of our relationship. Things were still great in bed, but we needed more. She finally told me of her experience as a pet. She gave me a glimpse of what she had experienced herself. And it was far more strict and sadistic than mine had been. After one night of playing with the collar on her, she turned to me and asked me to officially collar her. She wanted to serve me. I was unsure at her request but that 'lovely' willingness to please over came me and I consented. Despite my dominance in the bedroom, I struggled with my dominance over her. I felt lost and completely unsure of what I needed to do. She soon pushed me to work out house rules and punishments for her. I typed one or two which was unsatisfactory to her. She pushed buttons. She pushed more buttons. She told me outright she would find ways around rules. She told me I needed to be more strict. She had me in so much irritation that I sat down at the computer, blasted some music through my headphones and proceeded to write stricter rules and more of them. I devised a list of punishments, both constructive and reaffirming in the authority that she gave to me. We read through them that night, re-negotiated some and did away with others. A lot of the discussion was on her part as I sat there taking complete direction in what she wanted. I did my best to enforce the rules I had set out but I am a very mellow person. Many small things went unpunished as she was testing my boundaries unbeknownst to me. After the stress of Christmas (with the exception of awesome company most of Christmas day), we had a long discussion of our roles. She confessed that she preferred to be dominant outside of the bedroom. She saw through me taking on the role of Master. I had told her once before that my apparent willingness to please could prevent me from taking control of another. But there is no better teacher than experience. I had always looked to her for direction and approval. I had always made sure she was
taken care of before myself. I was ideal to server her, and she realized after much pleading from me that she was to be my Mistress. I could not have been happier. The one person who has mattered the most to me was to take care of me as I willfully served her every want and need.

She soon began making amends to the initial rules and punishments to fit our new role reversal. She even offered to allow my input in both, but I refused and that was a complete fail on my part. I trusted her to create the guidelines to make us both happy, despite her warning me she would be strict. Our versions of strict differed, but I never took that into account until we hit a large bump in the road one night. It caused us to take a step back (after seeking advice from others while disappointed and pissed at each other), discuss what happened, what went wrong and how we needed to fix this. Neither of us wanted to completely give up on this new found dynamic, but the frustration was over-whelming along with the responsibility on both ends. It caused me to take a much more active role in providing my input when asked.  Both of us are still learning and we realize we'll make mistakes. But communicating more will help us avoid major mistakes that may put our relationship in danger. She is my best friend and lover first. It's hard to label exactly what our dynamic within the BDSM community is because we have to be fluid as we continue to build our relationship. But for now M/s 24/7 gives a good basis for what we have chosen."

Any thoughts after reading both sides of a sub-sub relationship that turned into an M/s one?

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