From the Toy box

This blog is rated AAARRRGGGHHHH!!! for pirates, fuck you.

Thursday, December 16, 2010


This has been a hot topic in many circles as of late.

Almost everyone I know has been on the rock with their SO in one way or another, and with the end of every relationship no matter the length or level of commitment comes the ever dreaded question, WHY!?!?!?! why do I do this to my self.

Most of us pine for that perfect someone, that other piece of our missing lives, the one who makes us whole but as soon as relationships hit certain snags  we feel as if there are irreparable problems in our relationship. Personally I feel it's more of the expected instant gratification of life....

Since the level of connectivity and communication digitally has grown exponential in the past 30 years. Even the most astute of us have lost our patients and communications skills and are not willing to hold things out for the long hall. and that transfers into our personal relationships.

We have lost our ability to stick with a rough stone and polish it into a fine statue, when we encounter such problems in our professional lives the solutions are almost instant and at our finger tips, love doesn't have the option.

I am just as guilty of this as anyone else but when your relationship hits a rough patch that lasts for more than a day we're ready to scrap it and find someone "better" but what we fail to realize is that 80% of the time there really isn't some one "better" just different.

On the flip side there are people out there who won't give up on something no matter the cost, they are so committed to making that someone they are with the "one" that they will sacrifice their mental and physical health to make it happen.

To often the people in these relationships will stay in until they are so far damaged that true happiness can never truly be achieved.

These people become like host bodies for the parasites that prey on them, they continue to gravitate towards people who will use and abuse them hoping that this one will be the "one".

I believe everyone needs to just take a reality check and put some effort into their relationships (unless it's an abusive one) open the lines of communication be accepting and understanding but dammit people talk to each other and take the time to craft a good relationship, don't be discouraged by a bad one and first and foremost no one person can make you happy, only you can do that, become happy with you first, truly happy with you then find the person you want to be with.

This is not fet or vanilla specific  this applies to everyone, I am not a Doctor or Psychologist, this is just my personal views and thoughts. 

What are yours?


  1. Interesting observations and I have to say I agree with them. Communication is the key and open honesty. If in a vanilla relationship, best come clean about your activities. I'm married to a vanilla and we have worked out an agreement, concerning my fetish needs,( I'm really into spanking, she isn't), which are acceptable to her. The system we have for ourselves is play, but don't do anything to damage the marriage. I attend events alone and leave alone. It has worked for us.

    On the flip side, play partners, once again total honesty. Except for our spanking scenes and friendship that is as far as it will go. Their option, if they wish to continue playing with me or not.


  2. I'm very glad to hear that Rich, and thank you for sharing your personal experience I'm hoping it well help people out there before it's to late to save their own relationships.

  3. The most beautiful, yet overlooked fact of life: The truth is, not very many people have any idea what they really want. Even fewer of us have the slightest clue what we need. The best part? Nobody actually knows what they're doing.

    (Nonetheless, we accomplish great things.)

    I think this can be related the aspect you're discussing here as well... I agree with everything, and could say a lot more. But I'll leave it at what I said above.

  4. I'm hoping to make this a series, the next one will be on the sub-sub relationship and the issues that are typically faced in that situation, very good thoughts by the way, I always appreciate feedback on all topics, especially interpersonal ones.

  5. I love hearing ur thoughts. I must say I did comment on a Boxcutter session recently and asked how long u've been playing 4. I just wonder because at times u sem innocent in such a good way. Love you. Love reading ur columns :o)


  6. lol, Sorry if I didn't answer your question before, I'll address that first, I've been in the scene for about 6 years predominately as a sub, I've only made the switch to Doming in the past 6-8 months.

    Thank you for your kind words I know I can seem innocent but to paraphrase Groucho Marx "My friends consider Lord Foul, He may look innocent and he may speak innocent but don't let that fool you, he really is innocent."

    At times yes I have a light out look on the world to counter balance my serious outlook on the world, if that made any damn sense what so ever :)

    Love having you as a reader and I love reading your comments please keep them coming.